tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-278831292011-04-22T00:38:14.401-04:00Thoughts and feelings of a middle-aged woman with Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder trying to live one day at a timeDobrohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09746149499236495222noreply@blogger.comBlogger51100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27883129.post-1172786899914822332007-03-01T17:05:00.000-05:002007-03-01T17:08:19.926-05:00I can start to read and and write a little.<br />My concentration in coming back slowly.<br />God be with you.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/27883129-117278689991482233?l=stormsofmadness.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Dobrohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09746149499236495222noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27883129.post-1172200138208065612007-02-22T21:59:00.000-05:002007-02-22T22:08:58.220-05:00I just got out of a 8 day stay in the PSYCH WARD<br />THEY OVER MEDICATED ME. I HAVE SO MUCH FRIED BRAIN FEELING. i CANT WRITE MUCH OR READ.<br />bUt THE THOUGHTS STAY<br /><br />And I have A new med to numb MYSELF ON <br />sO i GOTtA GO TO n.a. MEETINGS<br />bECUASE THAT I am<br />Bye<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/27883129-117220013820806561?l=stormsofmadness.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Dobrohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09746149499236495222noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27883129.post-1171282706833472542007-02-12T07:11:00.000-05:002007-02-12T07:18:26.850-05:00I can't do it anymore.<br />Another day<br />No<br />It is my fault.<br />All of my hope is gone<br />Good-bye<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/27883129-117128270683347254?l=stormsofmadness.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Dobrohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09746149499236495222noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27883129.post-1171252730506739642007-02-11T22:14:00.000-05:002007-02-11T22:58:50.533-05:00I don't know what is causing this feeling of unrealness. Could it be<br />the numb feeling from the meds (sometimes I take extra),<br />my learning how to put on an act of normalcy in public,<br />brief periods of amnesia from stress (PTSD) or <br />just waiting for death (suicide)<br /><br />It feels like I am existing on a different plane<br />Like I'm on a lay-over flight between real life and death.<br /><br />Has anyone else had this feeling?<br /><br />Sometimes, when I am with people, I don't remember what they said or what I said or did.It is scary because I feel that I am walking on a tightrope over a large bottomless pit. Sometimes, the experience of falling down through the pit feels natural to me and mental fantasies are hard to be seen as fantasies. Real seems fake and fake real.Time becomes void-past, present and future all blend into one entity.<br /><br />But I try to smile and tell myself if I fall apart and can't put myself back together again, Pat can find out what happened and try to fix it with his gentle manner. Or he'll get help for me.<br /><br />I want to thank those who commented on the previous posting.<br />I delete my stuff because I don't want to leave anything behind that may be offensive or demeaning to the living or the dead.<br />The pain and stress I have that come from people-those of you who have followed my blog know who they are (and I sure as heck know who they are). But it would be unfair to them to blame my problems or demise on them.<br />I'm unraveling.<br />Who the hell am I?<br />That was rhetorical<br />My therapist told me (as an example), if a "normal" person needs 5 positive affirmations a day in order to feel good about him/herself, a BPD needs 25!That's because in BPD, one does not have any kind of stable sense of self. And, the good stuff of today are lost in the memory the next day. (At least, that is my situation).<br />Dominus Vobiscum<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/27883129-117125273050673964?l=stormsofmadness.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Dobrohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09746149499236495222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27883129.post-1170788963115981732007-02-06T14:05:00.000-05:002007-02-06T14:09:23.116-05:00Nothing else to say<br />Please, God, forgive me of all my sins.<br />Please, everyone else, forgive me for having let you down or offended you ( if that's what I did).<br />I'm psychotic now and must numb my self with extra Ativans.<br />God bless you all.<br />Peace and Hugs<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/27883129-117078896311598173?l=stormsofmadness.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Dobrohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09746149499236495222noreply@blogger.com6